Saturday, June 30, 2007

Drink More Water? Horsepuckey

This is a public service announcement from your good friends (Raggedy and Old Horse):

WATER vs. WINE

It has been scientifically proved that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of pooh.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer, Scotch of any other fine liquor, like Green Chartreuse) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

WATER = POOH
WINE = HEALTH

Ergo: It is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of crap.

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Well then: A 2006 study by Texas A&M University found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study by the American Beer Institute found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means, on average, Americans get approximately 41 miles per gallon.

Now, the trick is to get them off the streets....

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(I have not heard from Raggedy that she is worse. Ergo (don't you love that word?) she is better, comprende?)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Hoo Boy! Do We Ever Have Good News

Raggedy will soon be well. She does NOT have a brain tumor or MS! Yippie!!!!

(Or, as she typed it: "I haeve fantrastic news! All ef the test reseltults are beck. I haeve been waieting aend goingk through test for threas months. MRI's, CattyScanners, Bloodworkeds, thaet spineal tapper, eye doectors and neruo mongsters. I doent haeve a brained tuemer or MS! Does the Haeppy Cat daencing all ovber this mail to yuo!!! Yipppie!!!!!!!!!!")

What she has is a "pseudo-tumor," which causes too much pressure on her headbone. However, the medication she's taking will whup that. So, she says, "Making a long story short, I am okey-dokey." (Or, as she typed it: "Maeking longed stoery shoert I am aokey dokeys. I jest haeve to taeke my meds and thaet willst taeke that excsctra prescure awaey. They haeve incruesed the medruication I em on maeking trypring haerder then eber untilk I ken agudusted to it." We can make fun of her typing because she can't get back at us yet. But, soon....)

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So, a cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies. "I just got this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The woman says, "State-of-the-art watch? What's so special about that?"

The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

Cowboy replies: "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and says, "Well, it must be broken because I AM wearing panties."

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch, and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."

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(P.S. This post is by Raggedy's bud, Old Horsetail Snake.)

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