Thursday, June 21, 2007

Keep Those Hair Appointments

Raggedy is still sickady. Ol' Hoss rides to the rescue.

+ + + + + + + +

This lady is walking down the street when she is accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman, who asks for a couple of dollars for dinner. Our heroine took out her wallet, extracted $10, and said, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless woman said.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?"

The homeless woman replied, "No, I don't waste my time shopping. I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the homeless woman was asked.

"Are you nuts!" said the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years."

Our questioner then said, "Well, I'm not going to give you any money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

"That's okay," the woman said. "It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

+ + + + + + + +

Feelgood Haines tells me he met an older woman at a bar last night.

"She was okay for 57. We drank a bit, had a bit of song and she asked if I'd ever had a sportsman's double -- a mother and daughter threesome.

"I said no," Feelgood says. "Well, we drank a bit more, then she says that tonight is my lucky night.

"So she and I go to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs, 'Mom! You still awake?'"

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Happy Father’s Day (2007)


To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.
~Author Unknown

Dear Dad,
I love you with all of my heart.
I am blessed to have you in my life.
You are the wind beneath my wings.
I hold our past and all of the time that we have together.
I keep all of the loving memories.
I smile at the wonderful thoughts that pass through my mind.
There are very few days when a thought of you does not cross my mind.
I love you deeply and always.
It was wonderful to hear about your sailing adventure last night.
I could hear the joy in your voice and could feel your smile through the phone.
It is good to know that the Nanny is back in the water and in tip top shape.
After our call I looked at the Bay over her bow from the picture you made me hanging on the wall....
I remember the sounds she made cutting through the water, the feel of the wind on my face.....good times...good times...
Thank you!
I wish I didn't live so far away. I miss you!

Happy Father's Day to all of the Dad's!

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.
~Author Unknown

Can't leave without a funny one for the road...

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
~Author Unknown


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