Saturday, June 09, 2007

Viagra Falls????

Raggedy post #2

Gee I don’t know if I can keep up with the pace of all those Questions (you should have asked more, now I’m just gonna ad-lib) did manage to get one question from OOLOTH who wanted to know whether I’m a deserter or a fringed lizard,….. or something like that.

Unlike the US Australia is split into only 6 states and 2 territories, our east coast is home to about 2/3rds of our population in Victoria, New South Wales, and Queensland, we have one island state, Tasmania, West Australia which takes up almost 1/3rd of the land mass (and you thought Texas was big) South Australia, at least 50% of which is uninhabitable (desert) Northern Territory, and Australian Capital Territory, which houses our Capital Canberra and not much else.

BTW if you head any further south than Tasmania you come to
Antarctica so our southern regions are pretty cold during winter
however we only get snow in the southern mountains, to the
north our neighbors include Indonesia and the climate is sub-tropical.

I have digressed slightly, I live in Queensland, sub-tropical, 150 miles from Brisbane the state capital, about 45 miles from the Pacific Ocean, and about 500 miles from the nearest desert.

See I told you that you should have asked questions, you wouldn’t have had to go back to school for geography lessons then, I’m very hopeful that Raggedy will rejoin us shortly so with any luck at all you won’t have to put up with any more from me …. unless you choose to visit holtieshouse…. you will certainly be most welcome if you do.


A final joke.

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says "No, it's Thursday!"

Third one says "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


That's short, sweet and COOL.




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Thursday, June 07, 2007

I Just Be Chillin', No Sweat



I forgot to tell you earlier: This is a guest post by Old Horsetail Snake. Even though it says down at bottom that it's from Raggedy. So it goes.

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A New York Episcopal priest is working with young parishioners in the Bronx. Recently he issued a CD featuring Bible stories in "street language." For example, the 23rd Psalm:

"The Lord is all that
"I need for nuthin;
"He 'lows me to chill."

And then there's the pro football player who's taking time off this summer:

"I'm relaxing in 88-degree weather in Southern California. I'm just chilling."(!!)

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Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice.

"It's those baggy swimming shorts that make you look like an old fool. They're years out of style. Bubba, grab yourself a pair of Speedos about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them. I'm tellin' ya, man, you'll have all the babes you want."

The following weekend Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos and his fist-sized tater. Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their face, turning away laughing and looking sick.

Bubba went back to his buddy Billy Bob and asked, "What's wrong now?"

"Lord-a-mighty," said Billy Bob. "The tater goes in front!"

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

A Raggedy Post


Dang, that felt good!
Betcha he feels COOL now.

OK a couple of teething problems,


The first penguin is supposed to push the second one into the
water!!
And it's supposed to be Wednesday when this goes up... lets
hope it is Wednesday now.

It was great to get that update from Karen telling us that Raggedy was home and on the way to recovery, I know you all join me in wishing her a speedy return.

A Raggedy post.


By special arrangement with Raggedy, the cool one, this is your foreign correspondent
holtieshouse bringing you, from downunder, all you have always wanted to know but were afraid to ask.

Now let’s see if I can guess what you have always wanted to know…

No doubt upper most in your minds would be;


Is Raggedy REALLY “the cool one” as we are led to believe?


I can answer this uneqivikly unekivikly, without any doubt, yes she is, so cool in fact that she has had an ice-rink named in her honor, it’s the Raggedy Rink where they recommend you dress down in your old and raggedy clothes, there are also moves afoot to have The Yukon Highway renamed The Raggedy Way, more of that as the news breaks.


How did holtieshouse come to be presenting us with this drivel?

The sad fact is that Raggedy is not well and asked for volunteers to keep her multitude of readers amused… My good buddy Hoss has assumed this role, while I on the other hand just promised to fill up a bit of space.


It would be remiss of me to waste an opportunity, when I have a large audience, and not do a little promotional work for the land down under,

Australia is a large island, so large in fact that it has been declared a continent, it is similar in size to the USA or Canada, but differs from either of them in that it has a fertile fringe around much of the huge coastline but a very dry arid center, so dry that a large proportion of the center is classed as desert, this is one of the reasons we have a relatively small population, (20 million) another reason is that we are so far away from the northern hemisphere that we are still considered by many to be a nation of savages, we encourage this line of thought so that we can keep our paradise to ourselves.


So that my next appearance here can be a little more interesting it would be nice if you were to leave questions in the comment section you know the sort of things you really want to know about, it is safe to pick any topic you like, I have a broad base of general knowledge, a fertile imagination, and a willingness to invent research answers for you.


I just love the tradition of closing with a joke;


The lawyer and the blonde.


A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and If I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention; and, to keep him quiet, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a $5 note, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

While the lawyer ponders this the blonde goes back to sleep.

The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Airphone; He searches the net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.
After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"


The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.


Now that’s Raggedy COOL.

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Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Update on Raggedy

Hello, it's Raggedy's friend Karen here. Raggedy's son emailed me this morning and told me that Raggedy is home now and resting.

She appreciates all the support, love, and prayers that are coming her way!

Nice to Make Your Acquaintance



Raggedy is laid low by illness, and she says we all can play in her b**g. My name is Hoss, and I b**g at Old Horsetail Snake when I'm well, which I am. I always put that in there, for I am 76 and I might topple over any time.

+ + + + + + +

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

+ + + + + + + +

Did you ever fix up your computer to give automatic replies to eMail? Did you ever put up these replies?

"You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I were in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all."

"Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's office having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team."

"I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless eMails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received."

"Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks."

"The eMail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again." (The beauty of this is that when you return you can see how many people did this over and over.)

"I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Joe'."

+ + + + + + + +

At my site we always have a favorite word or phrase. So you get one too:

My favorite word today is stethoscope. N., breathe deeper. Def.: An instrument for looking into people's chests with your ears.

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Monday, June 04, 2007

TTFN

I wish I was doing a Music Monday post instead of saying I hope to see y'all soon!


A Funny for the guys:

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL!
Put in some more butter!

Oh my Gawd!
You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY!

Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my Gawd!

WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going to STICK!

Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT!
THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"

The wife stared at him.
"What in the world is wrong with you?

You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied,
"I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."


A Funny for the gals:

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,

"You Can Be THE Man of Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.

You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.

You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.

Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied,
"The f***ing" funeral director would be my first guess."


*****************************************************


I am going to be away again.
Even when I am gone you are never far because you
are all in my thoughts.
I will miss y'all.


I hope to be back soon.
Thank you for your support.
I can’t express how much it has meant to me.
Please leave in your comment if you would be willing to do a guest spot on my blog to keep it alive until I can make it back.



When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them,
but you won't come up with a handful of mud either.

- Leo Burnett



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Sunday, June 03, 2007

Sunday June 3, 2007

“What I do you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.”
~Mother Teresa of Calcutta

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 License. It's a Raggedy Life