Saturday, July 15, 2006

Over the Hill?

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.



Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, and placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead!"





How do you get a sweet 80 year old lady to say the F-word?


Get another sweet 80 year old lady to holler "BINGO"



Video is for Adult Only (Language)
This is very young George Carlin and it is very
funny. The graphics are cartoon nothing bad.
I marked adult because of the word. George
explains and defines the "F" word and its many
uses...hahahaha




It is better to be over the hill
than under the hill...


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Friday, July 14, 2006

Hair Removal? (Adult Content)




Bet you don’t know this……………….



Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?



It is called the Anal Optic Nerve, and is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.



If you don’t believe it:
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Pull a hair from your arse and see if it doesn’t bring a tear to your eye.





This is definitely not a recommended way to remove unwanted hair!

Hair Removal

Labels:

Thursday Thirteen (6th)



This Thursday Thirteen Post is
dedicated to
Miss Cellania

13 Redneck Medical Terms

1. Benign ~ what you be after you was eight.

2. Barium ~ what doctors do when patients die.

3. Cauterize ~ Made eye contact with her.

4. Dilate ~ to live longer that expected.

5. Fester ~ quicker than someone else.

6. Hangnail ~ what you hang your coat on.

7. Impotent ~ distinguished, well known.

8. Labor Pain ~ getting hurt at work.

9. Nitrates ~ cheaper than day rates.

10. Rectum ~ damn near killed him.

11. Tumor ~ More than one.

12. Urine ~ opposite of you is out.

13. Varicose ~ Near by/close by.



A FEW FOR THE ROAD:

"HONEST, HOSS , I HEARD THEM BIKERS TALKIN' ABOUT RIDIN' HOGS AND LOOKIN'FOR CHICKS!"

Arkansas State trooper pulls over

a pickup truck on I-40.
He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?"



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged!


Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Commercial Flight?


There are three rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Actual Flight Conversations:

"Please use caution when opening the overhead compartments as shift happens!"

After taking off, the pilot got on the speaker and said, "Bear with me folks, this is my first time."
"From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.

"Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.
"After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.

"As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. Whoa!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."
This was overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

A passenger was overheard asking the pilot a question after the plane landed, "Sonny, did we land or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant got on the PA and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate.

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Blog-a-thon 2006





I grabbed this pledge from Monty’s place.

I pledge my money
To aka_monty
For donation to United Cerebral Palsy
And to all the people
For which they stand
One Foundation
Out of many
For the disabled
With love and compassion for all

Sponsor Monty in the BLOGATHON 2006
Her charity,
in honor of her son,
is the United Cerebral Palsy Foundation.

You can head over to her place.
Click here for Monty

Or you can sponsor her from here.
Click here to sponsor Monty

Supporting this charity is a beautiful thing.

Please give her your support. Even a small donation is fine. We can spare a five spot for a great cause can we not?



Monty, I am honored to sponsor you. I am proud of you. You are working hard for a worthy cause. I hope everyone pitches in to make your effort even more rewarding for those in need.

Thanks for the button!

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 License. It's a Raggedy Life