Saturday, April 22, 2006

Monsignor Advice

You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. Michael Pritchard

There a few jokes that I have had for years. Friends will mail me and ask me for them. Apparently something they will read will remind them of something I sent them a long time ago. I then have to search for them on my computer and erm, umm, I have a lot of jokes. I decided to post the most asked for of these documents to my site so I don't have to keep sending them out. Yes, I am laughing. I will post the most requested first.

Monsignor Advice

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, when I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note on the door.

1. Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and the spook.

8. David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,
don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T.

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, take
this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say eat me.

12.The Virgin Mary is not called Mary with the Cherry.

13.The recommended grace before a meal is not Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.


Friday, April 21, 2006

Prairie Chicken

There is a way that nature speaks, that land speaks. Most of the time we are simply not patient enough, quiet enough, to pay attention to the story. ~~Linda Hogan

The greater prairie chicken is an endangered bird. This bird’s habitat was the tall grass prairies of Midwestern North American. In the 1880’s, with the disappearance of the buffalo they flourished.

When agriculture took over the tall grass areas the prairie chicken began to disappear. In 1930 the bird was almost gone. Land has been acquired and managed to try and save this bird from extinction in Canada and in the Midwestern United Sates.

One of these management programs is very close to where I am living. Birds like the sandhill crane, sharp tailed grouse, upland sandpiper, northern harrier, marbled godwit, Wilson's phalarope, greater prairie chicken, sora rail, marsh wren, and clay colored sparrow may soon find their habitat expanded at Glacial Ridge. In recent years, bald eagles, a peregrine falcon and a whooping crane have also been spotted.

On one of my riding adventures many years ago, I was on the back of my beloved mare, Lady, when I came upon a dead whooping crane tangled in some barbed wire. It was a sad ,heart rendering sight to behold. I am glad people are working hard to preserve the beautiful nature still available for us to witness.

Take a moment to view this one minute video to listen and see this rare bird.

Thursday, April 20, 2006


Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will.
~Author Unknown

The visits we made to Winnsboro, South Carolina, are kept safe in my heart. I reflect on them at times with awe. It is almost impossible to describe because it had so much to do with feelings and emotions. Feelings are difficult to put on paper.

The first thing was the welcome. I have never been anywhere in my life where I felt such an overwhelming feeling of being welcome. It was on their faces, in the brightness of their eyes, smiles, and warm hugs. No one has ever greeted me with such enthusiasm, warmth, and affection. I could feel deep inside my heart how happy they were to see me! This indescribable electricity filled the air around us. My Grandparents were always waiting and watching out the window for our car to arrive. They came out to greet us with this unbelievable joy and happiness. My Grandma in her dramatic manner would go on about how I have grown! Sometimes her hugs were so fierce that they actually hurt. I would never complain it was alright. The greetings lasted a long time. What a wonderful place to be. I was folded into a blanket woven from love. It was a warm and fuzzy place to be.

My Grandpa asked me if I liked chicken. Oh, yes was my reply especially Kentucky Fried Chicken. My Grandpa told me how lucky I was to be in this house tonight because he was going to make it. My Grandpa and Colonel Sanders were great friends! The Colonel himself entrusted my Grandpa with that secret recipe! That was the best fried chicken I ever had! I was sitting at the kitchen table. I had to hide my eyes while the secret ingredients were added. My Grandpa sure was friends with a lot of people. He had a wonderful smile and laugh and I can still picture him in my mind. He told jokes that we were not supposed to hear and they were funny. I can still remember some of them. These jokes were not politically correct , they can’t be repeated , but I can still laugh inside when I think of them. It would be a grand idea to add the word Engelbert Humperdinck to all of the spelling lists to ensure entrance into heaven for all. Grandpa’s lap was a special place. I enjoyed sitting with him as he read me a story.

Behind the couch was the front window. FiFi’s, the poodle, favorite place to be was on the back of that couch looking out the window. She was a yappy little thing but fun to play with. After FiFi passed there was GiGi but they seemed so much alike to me other than their color.

My Grandmother was funny and witty. We played a lot of games together. It was difficult to play with her because I had so much trouble remembering the rules. They seemed to change every other hand in rummy. Every time I finally thought I had it down, by golly, they would change again. I am laughing now. At the time I was very confused. She was a good rummy player. She beat the tar out of me every game! The other game we loved to play together was caroms.

Grandma was sitting on the couch. Many things with Grandma were non verbal she did not need words to communicate. My Dad could do this also, a look, a touch; a head rub said it all. Grandma pats the couch and I go over to sit by her. Her arms enfold me and she tells me how much she loves me. I tell her I love her too. On her right wrist is a large silver bracelet full of charms. The bracelet jingled when she moved her hand. I asked her about the bracelet. I liked the way it sounded. She laid her hand in my lap and began lifting the charms. She told me how special this bracelet was. Each charm was engraved with the names and dates of her Children’s births and those of all her Grandchildren. She told me how lucky she was. I could hear the pride in her voice and tone. I could see the great love she had for us inside her. She came to a charm and put it between my fingers and said this is you. This name and this day mean the world to me. I will always remember you and love you. This was one of my most tender memories of my Grandmother. Most of our time was spent laughing, playing and having fun. Life was not very serious business to my Grandma it was just plain fun! She made a mission or game of almost anything. I raced my brother to see which one of us could collect the most pecans that had fallen from the tree. A simple walk to the Piggly Wiggly or Five and Dime was and adventure if you were with Grandma. My Grandmother did not have an aura of color around her she had an aura of happiness. How wonderful to be in the company of one so thrilled and happy with life! Her happiness infected you with joy and that was a wonderful place to be!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Dear Husband, Dear Joe

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. ~Author Unknown

Dear Husband,

Thank you for listening to me last night. You cannot know how much that meant to me! I love you very much! I understand that you were feeling hurt in the car on Saturday. You have enabled us to move on by listening and understanding. Your apology to Joe was very brave and important. I am proud of you.

Aristotle once said: Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power. That is not easy.

I know this is not easy for you. I am here for you. I appreciate all that you have done for us. Thank you.

Love, HB

Dear Joe,

Your Dad loves you very much. His anger stemmed from a place of pain. He did not understand your question at the time you asked it. He does understand now and this is very important. His apology was very important. I understand how hurt you are. Look to your heart and find that wonderful spot reserved for forgiving our own faults as well as others.

Sidney and Suzanne Simon said it well: Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.

I will always be here for you and I will always love you with all of my heart. I am proud of you. You are wonderful. I feel blessed to have you in my life.

Love Mom

Monday, April 17, 2006

Easter Monday

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. ~Buddha

I am sorry I was not able to go to the Easter Sunday Church Service. I was not feeling well enough. I was lucky to be able to cook the meal.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter!

The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances. ~Robert Flatt

Happy Easter!

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