Thursday, June 21, 2007

Keep Those Hair Appointments

Raggedy is still sickady. Ol' Hoss rides to the rescue.

+ + + + + + + +

This lady is walking down the street when she is accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman, who asks for a couple of dollars for dinner. Our heroine took out her wallet, extracted $10, and said, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless woman said.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?"

The homeless woman replied, "No, I don't waste my time shopping. I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the homeless woman was asked.

"Are you nuts!" said the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years."

Our questioner then said, "Well, I'm not going to give you any money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

"That's okay," the woman said. "It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

+ + + + + + + +

Feelgood Haines tells me he met an older woman at a bar last night.

"She was okay for 57. We drank a bit, had a bit of song and she asked if I'd ever had a sportsman's double -- a mother and daughter threesome.

"I said no," Feelgood says. "Well, we drank a bit more, then she says that tonight is my lucky night.

"So she and I go to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs, 'Mom! You still awake?'"

15 Comments:

Blogger LZ Blogger said...

That last one is a LITTL SCAREY! Hope you get better soon! ~ jb///

June 21, 2007 7:44 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

HAHAHAHAHA!! Thanks for the laughs!!!

Hope Raggedy gets well soon!

June 21, 2007 8:29 PM  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Hoss ~~ Good jokes - thanks for
filling in. Regards, Merle.

Hi Raggedy ~ Do hope you are getting better my friend. Hang in there girl.
Thinking of you. Love, Merle.

June 22, 2007 9:34 AM  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Get to feeling better, Raggedy. Meantime, just for you, I'm going to make three email scammers very sick in the next day or so ;)

June 22, 2007 10:12 AM  
Blogger Jim said...

Hoss, I like the first one pretty good. Thanks for keeping Raggedy's blog going.

Now the second one is a put-down on old people. Or did you get your numbers reversed, should be 75 instead of 57?
A lot of my friends are older than 57 and I sure don't consider them old.

Raggedy, I'll be back soon. I'm going off to find some more riddles for you.
I hope you are up and 'running' real soon.
..

June 22, 2007 2:39 PM  
Blogger Peter said...

Feel well soon Raggedy COOL one.

June 23, 2007 12:32 AM  
Blogger Jeanette said...

Good jokes.Raggedy I Hope your feeling well real soon Take care

June 23, 2007 4:47 AM  
Blogger OldLady Of The Hills said...

Very Funny!!! LOL...!

I'm so sorry that Raggedy is still under the weather...I hope this is not a serious set-back...! Do give her a BIG BIG HUG for me...

June 23, 2007 5:06 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

Very funny, Hoss! Raggedy is lucky to have you. I hope she is better soon.

June 23, 2007 9:46 PM  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

Hiya Raggedy!

I hope you didn't get hurt laughing at Hoss' jokes.

Get well soon - permanent like!

June 24, 2007 4:22 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
..
Here's hoping today is a better day for you still.
..

June 24, 2007 5:45 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Raggedy: It seems to me that something good (bad?) is supposed to happen to you tomorrow, June 25. Whatever it is, good luck, and keep smiling.

June 24, 2007 5:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO! Those were great!

June 25, 2007 10:34 AM  
Blogger Walker said...

LMAO!!!!!
Those were funny.
I hope you stop being sick and being well again :)

June 25, 2007 11:34 AM  
Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Two GREAT jokes.

June 27, 2007 12:42 PM  

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