Thursday Thirteen (11th)

I am known for my use of one liner quips and zingers. These little quips and things are stuck in my head. I don’t even know they are there until I will hear something that will cause them to fly out of my mouth. If my real life people were to read this then I am sure they would remember one of those moments when they were the recipient or were present when it happened. I don’t know why it happens but it does. I have actually used these and have so many that this will be a four part Thursday Thirteen.
Some people who I have used them on like them so much that they can’t help but remember it and find themselves doing the same thing. I love when this happens.


Telephone conversation:
Engineer or Customer: Talking really fast and in a panic.
”Slow down please; I only have a high school diploma, sir.” (Great deterrent for stopping them in their tracks provided they don’t know who you are.)

Today is Part One….

1.
Me: “I am having a Deja Moo.”
Tom: Don’t you mean a Deja voo?”
Me: “Nope, Deja Moo, the feeling I have heard this bull before.”

2. Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

3. Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

4.
Date: "Why don't you slip into something more comfortable?"
Me:"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma."

5. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6.
Steve: "Are you getting smart with me?"
Me: "Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know? "

7. It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails, with a hunting knife, and he ran into me, backwards, 17 times.

8.
Q: “Why are you snickering?”
A: I was having an afterism, sorry.”
Q: “What is an afterism?”
A: “A concise, clever statement I did not think of until it was too late.”

9. " Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? "

10. After someone telling me about their divorce…
Me: “My husband and I divorced over religious differences.”
Her: “Really?”
Me: “Absobloodylootly, He thought he was God and I didn't.”

11. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

12. I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.

13. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

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