Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Commercial Flight?


There are three rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Actual Flight Conversations:

"Please use caution when opening the overhead compartments as shift happens!"

After taking off, the pilot got on the speaker and said, "Bear with me folks, this is my first time."
"From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.

"Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.
"After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.

"As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. Whoa!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."
This was overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

A passenger was overheard asking the pilot a question after the plane landed, "Sonny, did we land or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant got on the PA and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate.

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."

15 Comments:

Blogger mrhaney said...

thanks for all those. they were all very funny and i needed the laugh. have a great day.

July 12, 2006 12:29 AM  
Blogger Ed Bremson, MFA said...

Funny, Raggedy. Have a nice day.

July 12, 2006 9:16 AM  
Blogger wazza said...

Gidday Raggedy,

Thanks for your comment on Will Rogers. I was having "fun" posting this and went back to edit this post at least 4 times so maybe when you had a look at it I was in the middle of trying to "fit it up". When I look at my post now everything seem to be nearly in order.
Funny your post on planes I received the same info' in a e-mail today, but I had seen this same one maybe a year ago and I was toying at using it in one of my posts & decided not to use it, as I thought it must of been seen by a lot of people by now.
It's still pretty funny thou'.

July 12, 2006 9:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROFL! I think I've been on every one of those flights! And I HATE to fly!!

July 12, 2006 11:46 AM  
Blogger Teresa said...

I fly alot and I feel as if I am shot down on a regular basis.

July 12, 2006 1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious!!!!

July 12, 2006 2:58 PM  
Blogger Shannon akaMonty said...

LOL! :) Southwest airlines has the funniest flight attendants I've ever seen~I always pay attention when they're going through all the emergency crap because they crack me up.

July 12, 2006 6:06 PM  
Blogger Miss Cellania said...

You might as well laugh at airlines, because they will eventully make you cry. I think half the flights I've ever made were seriously delayed. Thanks for the funnys!

July 12, 2006 9:10 PM  
Blogger phoenix said...

LMFAO! I needed this giggle more than I can say! Thanks so much for your comments, hugssssss and so much more Raggedy!

Hugssssssssss (Just for you!)

July 12, 2006 10:06 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

Very cute!

July 12, 2006 10:24 PM  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

I'm sure other flight attendants have done this, but on one flight I was on (er..or actually in) years ago, folks were slow to get their stuff stowed and take their seats. To finally get the point across that folks needed to take their seats and buckle in, a flight attendant made the following announcement (from memory): "Ladies and gentlemen, the flight deck informs me that he can't back this big bird out until you take your seats; you're blocking the view of his rear view mirror. Please take your seats so the pilot can see and we don't back over a concession truck or small plane or something. Thank you".

It worked.

July 12, 2006 10:32 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Ummmm... I'm FLYING to Denver... ah well, I'll take a xanax and I'll be calm LOL

Those were funny though.

Have a great weekend and thank you again for everything. *HUUUUUUUGS*

July 12, 2006 10:47 PM  
Blogger jules said...

Those are hilarious. I don't plan on flying any time soon, thank God.

July 13, 2006 8:01 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

Hi Raggedy, thanks for your response to my screen trouble, I couldn't find your email address anywhere onyour sit, mine is on the sidebar EMAIL ME.
would like to have a look at the screen shot, the only answer you gave that I expected was the IE browser, Kids and computers, whyo'd have 'em.

July 14, 2006 1:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL. I think I've been on all those flights as well. I love that the flight crews have a sense of humor. The old Value Jet crew used to be the best. They had you laughing so hard the flight seemed to go faster.

July 15, 2006 8:56 AM  

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