Saturday, June 17, 2006

Qantas







Qantas (pronounced [kwantas]) is the name and callsign of the
oldest and largest airline of Australia. Qantas was formerly an
acronym for the "Queensland and Northern Territory Aerial Services."


Qantas~ "The Spirit of Australia"

Flight Report

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: The problem logged by the pilot.
S: The solution and action taken by the mechanics.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S :Live bugs on back order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Deb @ Sugarfused said...

Having worked in maintenance department before, I can relate to some of these lol!

June 17, 2006 7:26 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

Hillarious Raggedy.

June 17, 2006 8:02 AM  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Okay, let's clear this up right now: I do not, have not, and probably never will, work for Qantas Maintenance; any suggestion that I had anything to do with those answers is complete fabrication.

I did, however, have to claim a like-answer after a Workman Comp investigation once...but I digress.

June 17, 2006 1:43 PM  
Blogger poopie said...

I have a terrible fear of flying, and you just added to it ;)

June 17, 2006 5:52 PM  
Blogger Walker said...

Thats to funny.
Good thing I used air new zealand when i went down.
They probably don't have a gripe sheet to worry passengers when its leeked out.

Have a nice weekend

June 17, 2006 6:07 PM  
Blogger mrhaney said...

thanks for the laugh. i use to be an aviation electrrician and some of this sounds familiar.

June 17, 2006 11:38 PM  

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