Tuesday, June 27, 2006

PMS







“We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe



A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

And just before she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eyes and a cricket stump shoved up his arse.

PMS in the Bible

This older couple was sitting around their apartment; she was clipping coupons while he was reading the bible.

The old man said to his wife, "You know honey, everything you ever wanted to know about life is in here."

She returned, "Well, maybe not EVERYTHING, dear."

He replied back, "Sure, just name one thing I can't find in here."

She said, "PMS-you won't find anything about it in there."

He began flipping through the pages, going from one chapter to another, pausing for a few seconds only before going on to the next page. After about 10 minutes, he looked up at his wife and said, "Aha! Here it is, I told you everything was in here."

Then he proceeded to begin reading the script "... and Mary rode Joseph's ass..."



1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.

“Only by joy and sorrow does a person know anything about themselves and their destiny. They learn what to do and what to avoid.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

BTW: I left comments in the comment section for all of those who responded to my troubled post. They are in the comment section of that post.

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20 Comments:

Blogger Vickie said...

Raggedy---Today I am seeing scissors, fire and stump.

Geeze I thought one day it would stop.

Thank you for the laughs

You Rock :)

June 27, 2006 1:08 PM  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

PMS is a great excuse for bachelorhood; I've never been much for scissors ;)

June 27, 2006 1:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cute jokes and a GREAT quote up top. I collect quotes.

June 27, 2006 2:10 PM  
Blogger itisi said...

Raggedy: I came over to read your blog because of what Mr. Haney said on Walker's blog aboutyour relative that sounds like a demented stalker. You have a good group of friends here and we all like to stick together, so please count me in!!

I love the quote you opened today's post with and your post for today gave me a good laugh!

June 27, 2006 2:25 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

"...what is important is what the Female meant..." Boy howdy, ain't that the truth!!

Nice post, Raggedy.

June 27, 2006 3:47 PM  
Blogger amarkonmywall said...

Get back to me when you're 55.5 and still among the fertile. I'm too old to relate to PMS humor and yet, so it goes...Seriously, get back to me sooner! I was glad you dropped in because now I've found your lovely blog. And you have some solid background color going over here. I'm getting tired of white so I'm taking notes.

June 27, 2006 7:28 PM  
Blogger Meow (aka Connie) said...

Great post, Raggedy ... and thanks for coming to visit my blog. I have enjoyed my quick visit here, and will be back to catch up on some more great reading ... you have some interesting suff here.

Take care, Meow

June 27, 2006 7:30 PM  
Blogger Teresa said...

Women who have been scorned also like guys doused in fire with scissors sticking out of their eyes. Just so you know!

June 27, 2006 8:55 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I love that top quote!

Gee, I wonder how much this scientific study cost us taxpayers?

June 27, 2006 9:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you so much!!!
I'm so glad you like my work! :o)
Have An Absolutely Wonderful Day!

June 27, 2006 9:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I quoted Goethe today, too.

I have 5 sons and a wonderful husband, so I have sympathy for the menfolk. And, I have 6 daughters, so I must concur with your list. ;~)

June 27, 2006 11:05 PM  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Raggedy ~~ It looks like your blogging friends are all with you, so
I am sure that must be a comfort.
Thanks for your kind thoughts on my post. We all need a laugh.
Take care, Merle.

June 28, 2006 2:07 AM  
Blogger Meow (aka Connie) said...

Hi Raggedy, thanks for linking me. I have added you to my blogroll, too.
Have a great week.
Take care, Meow

June 28, 2006 5:57 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Thank you for the laughs, PMS was always a tough thing to go through for me, xanax was my best friend because I couldn't even stand myself. LOL All I can say is hysterectomies and estrogen in a pill form are awesome. ;-)

June 28, 2006 6:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yikes! 8~O

June 28, 2006 6:44 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For one terrible minute there Raggedy I read that as faeces !!! now back to the drawing board.

June 28, 2006 7:51 AM  
Blogger ~grey said...

very funny post....

Thanks for the laughs.

May I copy the top pms quote for my blog...?

first time here... found you through Walker.

June 28, 2006 8:07 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

That "doused in lighter fluid..." part really got me chuckling.

Other PMS passages are found in the Bible when it refers to "weeping and gnashing of teeth" and "an eye for an eye." :)

June 28, 2006 10:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so glad that my PMS days are behind me. :-)

June 28, 2006 12:14 PM  
Blogger Monica said...

Must be going around...that's all I'm saying.

June 28, 2006 2:19 PM  

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